What I imagine every European would say to me, an American, when I explore Europe | Popgen Tech


“Holland is not the Netherlands. It is a region in the west of the Netherlands. Didn’t you study geography at university?”

“Swim pants are not allowed. You have to swim naked. We don’t hide genitalia in our culture.”

“You Americans. Your houses are too big. Your beers are too small.”

“The EU? Do you mean the Schengen area? You are confused.”

“However, Holland is the Netherlands when we talk about sports events such as netball.”

“Sausage is an always food.”

“Do you play the violin or just the glockenspiel?”

“The Schengen area? Do you mean the eurozone? You are confused.”

“It is illegal to ride a bike here unless you are naked. Do you understand?”

“Dutch people are from the Netherlands, not from the Netherlands. There is a country of Deutschland, but it is many kilometers from here. Are you feeling okay?”

“My uncle operates a naked windmill in Luxembourg.”

“Luxembourg is not a duchy. It is a grand duchy. Didn’t you study the duchy at uni?”

“I studied neoclassical horses and heavy metal guitar at the University of Zurich.”

“You Americans. You have too many trucks. And not enough sausages.”

“How many languages ​​do you know? I speak twelve, not including Romance languages.”

“Liechtenstein is in the Schengen zone. It has a prince. His name is Hans-Adam II, and he gave me a sword. We are cousins.”

“How many bikes do you own? I own twelve, not including romance bikes.”

“Would you like some chocolate? It was made by a master Swiss chocolatier in a secret chalet. It goes well with potato stew and twenty cigarettes.”

“In this country it is frowned upon to speak ill of our princes or our naked windmills.”

“You know, Liechtenstein. The land between Austria and Switzerland. It has as many people as ten percent of North Dakota. You didn’t study geography in high school?”

“Where’s your cigarette? where’s your beer Beer is always a drink.”

“Prince Hans-Adam II follows me on the Phötölikenhaus application. It’s like your Instagram, but exclusively for nudity and images of cheese.”

“The Eurozone? Do you mean the European Economic Area? You are confused.”

“Dutch is a language. Hollandaise is a sauce. Some Dutch people also speak Frisian. I speak Frisian but I’m a quarter Saxon rather than Dutch. You look confused.”

“Where are you going? Take the train. My family takes the train from Antwerp to the Shire every Midsummer to pick blackberries.”

“I studied abroad in America at Middle Tennessee State University under the guidance of your Albert Gore. He presented the seminar on windmills. He is wonderful.”

“My house is in a castle. It doesn’t have air conditioning because it was built a thousand years ago. If you are hot, you can cool off in the moat.”

“Cheese, beer, nudity – in that order.”

“You Americans. So many guns. So few swords. It’s sad.”

“The Netherlands is like your Canada, but with better beer and The Hague. Does that help?”

“Why do you ask for ice with the water? You are confused.”

“The EU is not the same as the European Union. Wait. Yes it is. I’m confused.”

“We have sausages for every occasion: breakfast sausages, lunch sausages, holiday King’s Day sausages and pre-sausage warm-up sausages that we eat before the main sausages.”

“In European schools, we know English at the age of four. In American schools, at what age do you learn French, German, Italian, Spanish and Portuguese?”

“Do you Americans feel like you got a good deal at the Treaty of Paris? Your country is very new. It has big problems. You seem confused. Don’t you study your own history in kindergarten?”

“I am a strong liberal and a monarchist-progressive. I favor beer, swords, princesses, bicycles and naked chocolate windmills.”

“You Americans. You politicians are very bad. Except for Albert Gore. You must make him your king, or at least a duke.”

“I ride fifteen trains a week. wheeee.” ♦


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